Step 1 : School

  Let's start at the very beginning. The place where all popularity and UNpopularity is (are? ) birthed. The first step to sucking in school is to be a really good student. Pay attention to all your classes and get really good grades. Don't disobey the teacher's orders or any rules. At all. You may be thinking this is just a trick to get you to do good in school. NO. All kids think that, if you're a good student, you're a lame wimp. Especially boys. If you're a girl, you may have to try a little harder. Read. Don't play video games or computer games. Don't be friendly with the boys. Don't have a gang of your own, though having a best friend is fine, even if she's crazy popular. As long as you don't take after her popularity-wise, you'll be fine. If you're rich and/or good-looking, you probably have no chance of sucking at life. Sorry. Go find another blog that would be more helpful to you. All right, as soon as you've got your smart-guy/girl reputation down, it's time to establish that look even further by wearing oversize clothes, especially a long skirt or pair of pants. Make sure you look as dorky as possible. The 'pathetic' look is, of course, best achieved by short people ( like me ). For the last detail in Step 1, you must NEVER hang out on the weekend with popular kids or anyone else from school. Spend it obsoletely alone with yourself and your family. If your parents question this and make you go hang out with someone in your class, make sure you let them know that you've never done it before. Make it sound like you never thought hanging out with a school friend outside of school was possible or reasonable. Do NOT mention lessons like skating, singing, dancing, or anything rich people do. If you have no problem these instructions, it's time to move on to Step 2, which I will have up by next week ( to give you time to follow Step 1 and establish your suckiness ).
  Please comment! If you want to complain, you can e-mail me at sirinpalm@gmail.com. Thanks, and see you next week!