The Final Step: Letting Them Know

   All right, final step! You're almost there! BTW, I'm SO sorry for not blogging for so long! SO MUCH HOMEWORK!! Anyway, this last step is very easy, and I'm sure most of you have you have done it before. Some of you might even ENJOY doing it. ( Guilty. ) It's called: Confrontation. Some of you might be all: "Oh, NO! I don't like confronting people!" "What a horrible thing to do!"   Let me calm you down and tell you that you don't have to go around confronting people for no reason. No one in their right mind would do that. In fact, you only have to confront people if they accuse you of following this course just to spite your life, because you think it's so horrible. Well, you can get right up in their faces and tell them you're doing this for fun. That you enjoy it, and you don't think you need to be 'successful' in life to be ACTUALLY successful...you know what I mean? Here is a small list of confrontations to be used in emergencies when you can't think of anything:
1. " Oh, how did you know? That's EXACTLY what I'm doing! You are SOOOO right! I LOVE having people trying to tell me what I'm 'actually doing' even though I'm not!"
2." Get a life,(insert some kind of insult here) . Preferably one that sucks."
3. "Maybe I LIKE it this way. Maybe I don't WANT to be mainstream OR hipster. Ever thought about that?"
4. "You know, they should call you The Recycling Bin, 'cause all your trash talk is reused."
5. *stare at them up-and-down until they feel uncomfortable* "Meh."

  So that's the list! Mind you, they're so lame they must be used ONLY IN EMERGENCIES. Especially the 'recycling bin' one. I can't remember where I got that. Thanks for following this course through-and-through  ( or not) up until the last post! Please comment ! BYE!!!!!!  

Step 3: Getting Used To It

 After establishing your 'lameness' at school and at home, it's time to get used to it, so you can establish it anywhere.  First of all, you need to find, or achieve, a habit. An unpopular habit. One that will earn you a small reputation (not a bad one, just an unusual one ). For example, reading a lot, NOT making or showing off loom bands in public, and not playing popular video or computer game (although, if you really want to, you can just play it in private and not tell anyone). Now, you have to make sure you don't lose this habit, no matter where you are. If this habit makes you unhappy and/or uncomfortable, fell free to change it to something else that 's equally unpopular and unusual. Also, if you feel the need to be more 'yourself' with your family, then you can, but if you do, keep in mind that it might make you become less used to your new dorky self. This is just a short post, and it's my next-to-last post. As you can see, sucking at life is not complicated. Anyway, if you have a new idea for my blog so I can keep blogging on here, please leave it in the comments. And sorry for that angry rant I posted last week. I'll delete it later.

Not A Step

  This post is not a step. It is an explanation. There is a person out there who read my blog and thought that it's just 'an excuse for saying "I want to be popular"'. Well, to that person I say, "NO, IT'S NOT." Let's call her Popular Queen ( that's an insult). Now, it has come to my attention, through reliable sources, I assure you, that Popular Queen read my blog and said, "Ugh, she just wants to be popular, and this blog is her way of saying it. It's just an excuse for her to say, " I want to be popular." " Popular Queen, of you're reading this, you know who you are. I guess having a whole grade of people who worship you isn't enough for you. You also need more people to scorn at. oh, and, btw, 'scorn' basically means to look down on someone, which is something you seem to love doing. Now, to everyone who reads my blog ( and by that I mean no one ), this blog isn't some way for me to sarcastically complain that I want to be popular. It is merely a form of COMEDY. It's funny and entertaining that someone would post a step-by-step tutorial on how to be horrible at life for a change. At least, that's what I think. If you want to apply it to real life, just use it as a guide for what NOT to do. It's simple as that. By the way, you guys are so ANONYMOUS! That's not a bad thing, and I'm definitely not judging you or anything for it, but sometimes I think you just clicked into my blog by accident. I mean, no comments, no e-mails ( okay, I wasn't expecting any e-mails.), and no...does Blogger have 'like' buttons? Anyway, no hard feelings, it would just be nice to hear from you and see what you think about my blog, even if they're hate comments. If your comment is too long, e-mail it to me at sirinpalm@gmail.com . I never get any mail.
                                       
                                                                                                                 All the best, um..me.

P.S. Popular Queen, the Museum of Freckles called, they want their freckles back.

Step 2: Home

  Now, if you've followed Step 1, you must have established to at least your classmates by now that you are not to be befriended ( by popular people ). If you do have a friend, and you like that friend, make sure he or she knows that you are following this step-by-step 'course'. That way, they won't attempt to make you do things that are harmful to your progress in this course (read some examples listed in the glossary). Now, on to Step 2. If you haven't grown accustomed to being a dork at school, chances are you're going to let your guard down at home. Well, you can do that in your free time. Choose one day of the week where you can be yourself at home until you grow accustomed to or even like being a total dork. Any other day, you should do homework before you spend free time(though disobeying this rule every once in a while is not deadly), don't play popular computer games or games that your parents wouldn't approve of if they knew what they were really about, and DO NOT TELL YOUR PARENTS ABOUT THIS COURSE. I don't even know if you're a kid, or if you live with your parents. Anyway, if you've been considering these instructions, you'll see that they all have an impact on how you conduct yourself in Step 1 (school). in conclusion, to be unpopular in life, you must first be unpopular in school. If you are an actual human being reading this, please comment: Hi, my name is Someone.
*GLOSSARY* List Of Things That Are Harmful To Your Progress
                          1. Being pretty. This involves wearing watches, wristbands, Rainbow Loom bands, and participating in makeovers (if you're in that kind of school.)
                           2. Having popular friends. Popular friends will inevitably make you popular sooner or later, and that's the exact opposite of your goal.
                            3. Being rich. Now, you can't help this, of course, but it would be best to keep it to yourself, or else you will be temptingly invited to join the popular crowd.
    There's way more, but this is just an example.

Step 1 : School

  Let's start at the very beginning. The place where all popularity and UNpopularity is (are? ) birthed. The first step to sucking in school is to be a really good student. Pay attention to all your classes and get really good grades. Don't disobey the teacher's orders or any rules. At all. You may be thinking this is just a trick to get you to do good in school. NO. All kids think that, if you're a good student, you're a lame wimp. Especially boys. If you're a girl, you may have to try a little harder. Read. Don't play video games or computer games. Don't be friendly with the boys. Don't have a gang of your own, though having a best friend is fine, even if she's crazy popular. As long as you don't take after her popularity-wise, you'll be fine. If you're rich and/or good-looking, you probably have no chance of sucking at life. Sorry. Go find another blog that would be more helpful to you. All right, as soon as you've got your smart-guy/girl reputation down, it's time to establish that look even further by wearing oversize clothes, especially a long skirt or pair of pants. Make sure you look as dorky as possible. The 'pathetic' look is, of course, best achieved by short people ( like me ). For the last detail in Step 1, you must NEVER hang out on the weekend with popular kids or anyone else from school. Spend it obsoletely alone with yourself and your family. If your parents question this and make you go hang out with someone in your class, make sure you let them know that you've never done it before. Make it sound like you never thought hanging out with a school friend outside of school was possible or reasonable. Do NOT mention lessons like skating, singing, dancing, or anything rich people do. If you have no problem these instructions, it's time to move on to Step 2, which I will have up by next week ( to give you time to follow Step 1 and establish your suckiness ).
  Please comment! If you want to complain, you can e-mail me at sirinpalm@gmail.com. Thanks, and see you next week!

Welcome Message

Hi. I'm the admin of How To Suck At Life. This blog will teach you, step by step, what NOT to do on your path to greatness. This will be MOST useful to middle-school kids, but others can feel free to read it for comedy and/or entertainment. If you like it, please post a comment, or share this to your friends. I also run another blog with my sister, called 'The Weekly Twins.' You can check it out at www.mutuandmutu.blogspot.com. As for this one, the address is glimberbelle.blogspot.com. Pretty lame, I know, but all the other addresses I tried were unavailable. Anyway, if you want to learn more about me (which you don't), you can click the page titled 'ME ME ME!'. But if not, I'll have my next post (Introduction to Failure) up in a couple of days. Thanks for taking the time to read this! Please leave a comment!